The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
