somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
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