im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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