i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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