there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
