I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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