I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
