peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
