OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
