i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
