Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
