I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
