apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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