Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
