This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
