I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
