Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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