did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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