her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
