the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
