Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
