I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize