Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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