I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
