Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
