I got chris browned last night
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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