in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
