i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
