lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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