Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
