I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
