im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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