Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
