I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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