you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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