Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize