erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
