i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
