Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
