I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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