4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Me too!
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Randomize
