If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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