I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize