yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
