wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I need a beard to bite.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
