He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
