I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
