I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
