I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
