Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
