normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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