my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
