At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize