I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
