The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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