she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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