I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
