There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
