I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
