Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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