Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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