He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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