Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
