my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
