I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
