you traded sex for a burrito?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
We talked him into tasing himself.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
