i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Man, jail baloney is awful.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
