dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
please come you make the beer taste better
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
