I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
