tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
