Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
