im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
